Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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