I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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