That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
