She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
