Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
