Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
