Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
