you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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