dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
