new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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