don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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