Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
