Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
