peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
