Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Duck Duck Cougar?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think I sprained my soul last night
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
