I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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