you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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