Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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