I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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