You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
