Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
