The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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