at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
