The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
