Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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