All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
