this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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