In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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