would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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