My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
