look no pants
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
