in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
