Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
