Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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