Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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