Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
