Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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