he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
