i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
we're so committed to being not committed
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
