I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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