listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
