She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
