Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
