Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
