Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
