Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
