the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
