It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
