I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
