We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
